that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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