I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
