I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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