I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
