I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize