I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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