I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
