Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
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This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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