Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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