he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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