What did we do last night that was yellow?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
