i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
