Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How does one acquire holy water?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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