She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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