didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
