Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
