The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
wow bdsm is so cute
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
