it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
