no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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