he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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