i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
