so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
