When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize