I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
