shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
