i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
