How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
