I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
