I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize