just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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