i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
