i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
