I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
