the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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