it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
