You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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