Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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