My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
