i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
