I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
