Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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