Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize