my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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