Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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