he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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