i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
