i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
