i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
