I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
