if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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