the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
