Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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