The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
