he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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