So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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