You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
