Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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