I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
