Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
