sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
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I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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