lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
