gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Someone shit on the floor
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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