Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
