sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
