you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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