my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
