You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
