I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
