I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
