I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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