Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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