stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
