i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
