i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
