I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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