why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
