Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
