Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize