I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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